Christmas, A Time of Great Joy

I cried a lot while wrapping this year. And while I am completely rubbish at wrapping, it wasn’t my war against the far too flimsy, patterned, and odd yardage range of delicate paper on a roll that evoked my tears. It was remembering, remembering and reflecting. It’s funny how the mind works. All the opportunities I’ve had to be triggered with emotional remembrances while planning, shopping, or holiday celebrating and for some reason it didn’t hit me until I sat down to wrap the gifts themselves.

You see, last year there were no presents. Not for my daughter, not my husband, or my wonderful family. At least not presents that I personally bought and paid for (we did receive precious gifts from our respective families). We decided that it was not fiscally responsible for us to celebrate Christmas by purchasing and exchanging gifts at that time. As a person who loves to buy (or make) and bestow trinkets on those I care about, this was a tough decision to make. I love everything about Christmas pretty much except for the aggressive marketing and consumerism mentality (But that’s another topic for another day). Oh and the Christmas Story reruns- hard pass. It is wonderful to show someone you care through a thoughtful gift, no matter how small. And Christmas is unarguably a holiday of giving.

But after my husband and I were both laid off in May of 2018 within TWO DAYS of each other, me for the second time in as many calendar years, we knew we had to shift our priorities. Even though God sent us both new career paths by summer’s end, we were still feeling the financial impact of our loss of income. And since I was expecting our son in November, we decided we just couldn’t rationalize the spending on our toddler or ourselves when our basic needs were already met. Which meant no gifts, no black Friday, and no holiday home decor binges. Pooey Pooh.

We had a sad little Charlie Brown Christmas tree given us by my loving grandfather and some hand-me-down ornaments and we celebrated the birth of Christ with no wrapped presents in sight. And it was still a good Christmas. Different, but good. And I am so grateful. So grateful.

I’m grateful that the job losses happened when my kids were too young to remember and witness my stress and despair. I’m grateful that my daughter was too young to notice the absence of gifts and decorations and holiday food and to ask hard questions. I’m grateful for a husband who let me process my grief in a healthy way and supported me emotionally as I organized my mental troops and took care of business. I’m grateful to friends and family who listened to me whine and be negative and optimistic in the same conversations without judging me or condemning my lack of faith. I’m grateful that I’m not spending this holiday alone, physically or spiritually as so many will be. I’m grateful I will be reasonably warm and will not go hungry.

I'm even grateful for a sparser holiday season last year, since without material gifts, shopping, and decorating, our family focused on the WHY of Christmas. I hope we always will. I wouldn't trade that undistracted clarity for a lifetime of presents.

And I’m grateful to a Good Father who knows how little faith I have when tested and yet still loves me and continues to provide. I’m grateful for a day (or month) of celebration that goes beyond exorbitant materialism. For the love and kindness and generosity motivated by holiday cheer and the Giver of all good things. I am so encouraged by His faithfulness and patience and generosity and humbled by my own shortcomings and rather pathetic attempts at godliness and a giving heart.

I know my writing of gratitude may be a bit repetitive, and for that I ask your forgiveness and patience. But I feel God has just brought these thoughts and memories to my attention for a reason. If I could pick a spiritual theme for the past year for our family, it would be Gratitude and Humility. He has shone light in areas where we have been insufficiently grateful and reminded us of past and present blessings and His hope for the future. Though I feel we are constantly bombarded by the #blessed variety, the true honest gratitude and humbleness of spirit which God honors can so hard to adhere to in a fallen world. For the enemy destroys all joy, gratitude, and humility he can, and replaces it with materialism, jealousy, greed and pride.

I hope you have received the best holiday gift this season, the forgiveness of sins and hope for the future.

If not, I hope you will know the joy that passes all understanding in the coming days.

For those who are feeling alone this season, God promises a spot at His table for all who choose His gift of life.

I promise you are most welcome, for His arms are open wide.

Love, Charis